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Gettin' Ready for Drunk Webcam PicsYeah, I like that title. It’s a good one. Snappy. Evocative. Double entendre. SEO. God I hate SEO. Not the thing itself. Just the word. ESS-EE-OH. Doesn’t convey anything. Goddamned algorithms. Skynet exists.

Take a break. Eat a peach. Good for vitamin C. Juice drips from my wrist onto the pristine white standing desk. Damn.

Get a paper towel. Run the tap, get the towel juuuuuuuust damp enough. Not so wet that I need a second towel to dry the desk. Wipe the desk before it stains. Sherry told me this desk got great reviews on Yelp but some buyers complained that it stains easily. I can’t let it stain. I’ll never hear the end of it.

Dang. Water droplets still near my cracked old laptop. I need another paper towel.

First paragraph flows like wadah. That’s a good lead paragraph. Not bad. I can throw most of it into the SEO Optimizer plugin. Wait, isn’t that redundant? Do I really need both? Well, what the hell. I can’t use it all anyway. Those six words I threw in just to make the phrase homey will never fit in 160 characters.

What do I know about custom development to integrate eCommerce with CRM software? More than that guy in that stock photo of a techie dude, probably. So there.

I like that second paragraph. Yeah. Throw in some actual software names — not stuff everybody knows. Just stuff that industry insiders would know about. Good thing I got that list from Cam. Hmmm. Still needs buffing up. Thank you, Google. That looks good. Authoritative.

Fourth paragraph. Now we’re getting into it. Hey, that quote… Yeah, there it is, in the .TXT file. That’s a good one. “eCommerce integration is a must-have, not a nice-to-have.” Yeah. Pretty much says it all right there. Throw it in block quotes. Nah, too strong.

Phone call from the bank. No, I don’t need any more services. I’m already paying too much in bank fees. Why do I even have to pay bank fees? You bank guys get to earn interest off my money. I don’t earn off that interest. Not really. Not even close.

Oooooh! Go back to the second paragraph. Yeah, that’s a good spot for an h2 tag. “Our CRM. Your eCommerce App. It Pays To Be This Connected”.  Good spot for the keyword phrase.  Wait. Should I capitalize “to”? What about “this”? Does that look funny? If I do it to one, I have to do it to both.

Hmmm. On second thought, that line is too landing page-y. Not bloggy enough. No voice there. I’ll fix it later. Let’s get to the meat of this thing.

Fifth paragraph. Now we’re rolling. Get that other great quote from Oscar in there. All that stuff Oscar told me last week, it’s all coming back. It’s like I’m transcribing. Well, I guess I was. I take good notes. Yeah… you know what? I do know a little bit about eCommerce and CRM. Heck, if I asked Glen what CRM was, he wouldn’t know and he’s pretty smart. Yeah, I’ve picked up a few things. I can write about this stuff.

But is it interesting?

Where’s the hook? Where’s the story?

There’s no hook here. No drama.

Wait… pain point. I forgot to explain the pain point. That’s going to pull it together. Show the reason why this exists.

It would be good to put this stuff in the first paragraph, but I really like that paragraph right now…

Yeah, people will read down to the second paragraph. Pain points, right there. Bullet points? No, a paragraph, but I can make it a quote from that CTO. Yeah. Block quote around that baby. Yeah. Looking good.

Refer back to those pain points in paragraph five. Keep it together. Unity of purpose.

Tags. Almost forgot the tags. I think Mike gave me a list. I can add a few more. It’s all good.

Flickr! Time to grab a Creative Commons image. It’s a shame about Pinterest. They’ve got some awesome dwarf photos on Pinterest. But I don’t know how that site even works any more.  Hmmm. Be lazy and grab the HTML? Or download, edit, upload, add Alt tags? I’ve got the time. Let’s do this right.

My teeth hurt.

Hey, did I brush my teeth after I ate that peach? Acid. My teeth are rotting right now.

Image uploaded. Resized to fit. Just about ready to publish. Brush my teeth first?

Screw it. Let’s publish this bad boy.

Yeeeaaah.

My teeth still hurt.

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